Release.

I scream. 

I've always relied on the excuse that I'm a loud, emotional, Mexican woman, and we are screamers. I scream when I'm happy or excited as well. But lately, with all the stressors surrounding us, I've been raising my voice as a means to release the energy that I'm feeling inside. It has always, in my (almost) 28 years, been cathartic to scream. 

But now I have kids. And I'm noticing that by releasing my energy, they receive it. And as children, they don't understand how to compartmentalize and ignore it as just my need to release stress through yelling. They take it in, they feel the stress I feel, and they scream back because THEY need to release the energy. 

Take heart - I am not screaming at them. I'm not even screaming at my husband - something he's learned throughout the seven years we've been together - I'm just letting it out. 

But then they scream at me, and the child in me takes it as they do: personally. So I start to scream back until I remember that I'm the adult, I set the example. What are they learning from me? That screaming is the only way to release negative energy? I don't want that for them. I learned it from my mother, and I can choose better (I have an AWESOME mom, by the way, this is in no way meant to criticize her). 

So I've chosen to breathe. Take a drink of water. Yoga. P90X. Running. Writing. I've chosen to model calm voices, and the behavior I *DO* want them to learn. 

I'm not perfect. I know there will be days I forget to be Zen and I will scream. Then I will apologize for not appropriately releasing the energy, and I will remember to model something better. Maybe my kids will even remind me to find my calm voice. I hope they do. 

Much Love.